hhanon | Round 3 - Return of the Meme

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Round 3 - Return of the Meme

Round 3 - Return of the Meme

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That's nearly the end of the storia, for onto the scene comes our much loved meme: HAIL TO THE QUEEN OF PROMPTIA.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

“LARRY!!!!” Ben’s voice echoed round the room, and Jim peered round the door to see Ben striding towards Larry, looking well, not pleased to put it mildly closely followed by Mat looking equally as unhappy.

“Larry?” Ben loomed over him “what the fuck have you been doing?”

Larry looked up at him puzzled “nothing”

“what do you mean nothing?” said Mat brandishing his phone at him “LOOK at my tweets, how could you tell everyone about Jim’s hugs, and about Ben and I?”

Larry looked nonplused “but my followers, they need to know these things. I am their leader”

“what??” choked Ben “WHAT?? Their leader? What are you talking about?”

“they follow my every word, together we are strong and one day we will take over the world, and all shall be Larry”, there was silence while Jim waited for Larry to burst out laughing and tell them he was joking but his face remained perfectly serious.

For once Ben was lost for words and it was left to Mat to fill the silence
“but what about Jim? Think about what you’ve done! People will try to take him away and conduct experiments on him, or worse make him appear on a show with Noel Edmonds at Christmas where he hugs deserving poor people”

“in the new world where the Church of Lazbotron rules he will be revered alongside me as the High priest of Larry”

Ben and Mat stared at him wordlessly for a few seconds their mouths hanging open.

“right” said Ben “you’ve clearly gone totally and utterly mental, hopefully it’s just for 24 hours like me but in the meantime, we shall have to lock you up, and take your ipad before you do any more damage”. He grabbed Larry and wrestled his ipad off him

“unhand me! I am the divine Lazbotron and you shall suffer for this” Larry glared at Ben “my followers shall smite you down”

“we’re prepared to take the consequences” said Mat firmly grabbing his other arm and dragging him over to one of the dressing rooms and pushed him inside.

“my followers shall rise up against you unbelievers!” he shouted as Ben held him while Mat searched for his iphone to confiscate that as well.

“whatever! Now stay here and try and behave” said Ben closing the door and locking it behind him. They needed to find Jim and figure out what to do now the internet knew about the magic hugs.

Bastards! Larry paced the room, they were keeping him from his people! They needed to hear from him, thousands of people hung on his every word, how dare they confiscate his means of broadcasting his wisdom?

Well they wouldn’t stop him! He would go out amongst his people and commune with them in person, just as soon as he escaped from this room....

haha, Larry's reaction to the hug is the best xD Thank you for the laugh, I needed it today! I love this story!

Oh dear, poor poor Jim, what on earth are they going to do?

What a great and wonderful add.

*blushes* thank you for the lovely comment

have to say I ahve no idea at the moment how this is going to work out so I can save Jim

thank you so much. I always knew when it got to larry, it needed to involve twitter - and he is kind of a god to us lol

Oh, awesome idea. :D
Larry and his followers, walking arm in arm across the rooftops of the world (and if you get that reference, I'll be impressed).

lol sounding barbaric YAWPS at the same time??

the idea of larry as king of the world has been in my brain for a while so it's fun working it into this

Oh my gosh! I LOVE IT!!!! Please write more :)

A/N thanks you all for your lovely comments, I'm so pleased people are enjoying this in all it's madness. I seriously don't know where my brain is sometimes. Without wanting to spoil anything, I need to acknowledge the use of the lovely Larry's tweets in this fic.

“Jim? JIM??” Mat and Ben shouted looking round the studios, “Jim where are you?”

a door opened a fraction behind them and Jim’s anxious face peered out

“Oh Jim, are you ok, have you seen tweets, what shall we do?” Mat and Ben rushed over talking across each other in their haste to get their words out.

“Get in here” hissed Jim nervously

“Oh right” they hustled inside and Jim pulled the door firmly shut.

“How are you” asked Mat kindly “I take it from your face, you know what Larry’s done?”

“Yes I do. God, I’m so sorry you guys. I know you like to keep your relationship private. I never dreamed Larry would tweet it all over the internet”

Ben sighed and ran his hands through his hair “well it’s not great but to be honest, we’re more worried about you. The world knowing we’re shagging is nothing compared to the world finding out that magic really does exist in the form of a Bafta award winning actor who does magic hugs”

“maybe people won’t believe it” said Mat hopefully

“well maybe....but given the detail in Larry’s tweets, they’ll either think Jim does magic hugs or that Larry is mentally unstable” said Ben

“well then if we can stop Larry talking to anyone for 24 hours, we may be ok. People will just assume he's mad and Jim can deny everything” said Mat

“Where is Larry exactly?” asked Jim

“We’ve confiscated his ipad and iphone and locked him in one of the dressing rooms.” said Mat “actually we should probably just make sure he’s ok”

Ben went cautiously over to the room where they had left Larry and banged on the door

“Larry? Larry? Are you ok in there?”

Silence

Ben knocked louder “Larry? LARRY?”

Nothing

Bugger! He didn’t entirely trust Larry not to jump him from behind the door but he needed to go in and check on him. Very quietly he unlocked the door and slowly pushed it open

“Larry? Oh shit”

The room definitely seemed to be empty and also very cold due to the open window, high up on the wall underneath which was a desk with a chair on top of it. Ben cursed Larry for being so slender – he’d clearly climbed out of the window.

However before he’d gone, seemingly frustrated by his lack of ipad and phone, he’d scribbled on the walls. Letters, words and phrases marched largely and boldly across the white paintwork in the unmistakable Larry scrawl. Ben read a few

“Went out to buy a milkshake and brought a guitar”

“Putting TWO fortune cookies in with my meal for one is the take away guys passive aggressive way of saying you order too much fat boy”

“If I were to return as a hero from the world’s most righteous war, my warmest welcome would still be from my co writer’s mum in law’s dog”

“It is unfortunate that blackberry named their product after a fruit that is, more often than not, a bit disappointing”

“Landlords eh? Strutting round like they own the place”

Despite himself, he couldn’t help but grin at the image of Larry scribbling furiously on the wall before realising that he was now out there, on the loose and convinced he was some kind of messianic leader.

This was not good.

He went back to Mat and Jim “do you want the good news or the bad news?” their faces fell

“The good news” said Mat hopefully

“Erm sorry, there isn’t really any good news I just said that because it’s what you say. I’m afraid Larry has escaped”

“Escaped!!!” Jim put his head in his hands “nooooo”

“How?” said Mat “we locked him in”

“He climbed out of the window” Ben said kicking himself for not thinking of the window

Jim dropped into a chair and buried his head in his hands “he’ll be out there telling people, telling everyone. You know how he likes to talk”

“yeh and not to try and make it worse but just because you need to know, he thinks he’s some kind of messianic leader, the divine Lazbotron and that you are his high priest”

Jim looked at him levelly “tell me you are joking” he said

“I wish I was mate, I wish I was”

Jim got up and banged his head against the wall “shit, shit shit, what the hell am I going to do?

Mat and Ben looked worriedly at him

“We need to get you away from here” said Ben decidedly

“I agree” said Mat “somewhere out of the way”

“I agree three” said Jim “but where exactly? It’s not like any of us have a little place in the country is it?”

“No” said Ben slowly “but my parents do”

“Oh” light dawned in Mat’s eyes “yes their place in Norfolk”

“It’ll be perfect” said Ben warming to the idea “it’s right out of the way, we can get a load of supplies and you can hole up there while we work out what to do”

“Yes, we’ll get Simon and Martha to go with you so they can drive, get supplies and keep you company”

Jim listened to them planning and felt tears pricking at the back of his eyes, they really were his friends and for the first time since he’d seen Larry’s tweets, he felt things might turn out OK

“I’ll call Martha, you call Simon” said Mat and they whipped out their respective phones. Both Martha and Simon agreed immediately to come and get Jim and take him to Norfolk. Ben had given Simon the directions and it shouldn’t take more than 2 hours or so to get there.

Ben debated whether to tell his parents but in the end decided that the fewer people who knew where Jim was the better and that it was unlikely they would want the cottage in the next few days. Besides they had said he could use it whenever he wanted.

Calls over, they went back to Jim.

“All sorted” smiled Mat “Simon is bringing his car, and he and Martha will take you to Ben’s parents place. Don’t worry, we’ll sort this out”

“You guys are the best” Jim a little chokily and he put out his arms; Ben and Mat jumped back with a look of alarm. Jim looked at his outstretched arms and then dropped them to his side, his head hanging down.

Ben and Mat looked at him with pity in their eyes “sorry mate, we just can’t, you know” said Mat kindly.

Jim sniffed “yeh I know, I forgot, sorry,” he pulled himself together “so what will you two be doing whilst I’m hiding in Norfolk”

“hunting for the divine lazbotron” said Ben grimly

Poor Jim, just when he really needs a hug he can't have one.

This is so really really good and I'm enjoying it so much. Can't wait for the next bit.

Noooooo...., unbelievers, heretics, infidels! All hail the divine Lazbotron!

I'm seriously enjoying this, in case you can't tell. :D

Also, I love efficient damage-control Ben and Mat. :D And how Mat knows all about Ben's parents' cottage, because they use it for a romantic weekend retreat, right? ;)

*tries desperately to hold in laughter*

I am so happy you started writing this fic again. I honestly can't wait to see what the Divine Lazbotron is going to do. This fic is definitely one of my favorites

*laughs some more*

*now stares at fic with creepy smile, waiting for more*

I am torn between being sad for poor Jim, and really amused by Larry's delusions of grandeur x] amazing story!

Larry cackled to himself as he lowered himself out of the window. Think they could contain the divine Lazbotron? Think again. Strangely his magic powers of levitation and telekinesis seemed to have deserted him, as had his ability to strike people down with a single thought but no matter! He would get himself far away from these heretics and go amongst his people and all would be well.

Being careful to stand in a clear space, he closed his eyes and shouted “London”. Strange, his teleporting skills also seemed to have deserted him. No doubt those cursed unbelievers had interfered with his powers. Well they would be first up against the wall when all was Larry!

He’d just have to walk then

Luckily he still had the pens he’d taken from the dressing room. It was never too soon to commune with his followers and he stopped to scribble on the walls every so often

ACCORDING TO NURSES I HAVE RUBBISH VEINS.I DISAGREE. ONLY RUBBISH FOR JABBING SPIKES IN – BRILLIANT AT SUPPLYING BLOOD TO ARM

SPENT THE EVENING REVIEWING STEPEHN KING BOOKS FROM INCREASINGLY TALL BUILDINGS – I CANNOT RECOMMEND IT HIGHLY ENOUGH

JUST HAD MY FIRST GREEN TEA. THERE WON’T BE A SECOND ONE. TASTE LIKE LICKING GRASS OFF A BATTERY

He turned the corner, at last here was a mode of transport befitting his status. A train!! Excellent all he needed to do was get on to the platform and he would be on his way.

He entered the ticket office and walked up to the barriers. “Open” he shouted. Nothing. He tried again, “OPEN”, still nothing

“er you need to put your ticket in” said a voice from behind him. He turned to see a young woman standing there smiling at him “do you have a ticket?”

“a ticket? The divine Lazbotron doesn’t need a ticket” Larry rolled his eyes. Honestly! Clearly not one of his followers.

She frowned at him “well you do otherwise the barrier won’t open. Do you have a ticket? Or do you need to get one?” seeing Larry’s puzzled expression she asked “do you have any money?”

“money?” Larry fumbled for his wallet “you mean the tithes people pay to receive my brilliance?”

“erm are you OK?” asked the girl edging away from him slightly

“I am fine, I just need to get on this train so I can find my followers”

“right. Well how about I help you do that then?” Clearly, she thought the man was a lunatic, quite cute though but best to humour him. Give me your wallet. Now what do you want? A Travelcard? A return”

“a travel card – does this enable me to go wherever my divinity wishes?”

She suppressed a giggle “yes – trains, buses and the underground”

“I will have one of those then”

The girl put the money in and got the ticket out, Larry staring in fascination over her shoulder as she pressed the buttons.

“there” she handed over the ticket “now put the ticket in the slot, like this” she fed it into the machine and the barriers opened “now you can go onto the platform and wait for the train”

“excellent! You are a worthy addition to my followers”

“er i don’t actually follow you”

“and a most welcome addition to my harem”

“harem??”

“yes, the divine Lazbotron needs to reproduce. All shall be Larry”

The girl edged away a lot quicker than before, perhaps he was dangerous as well as mad. Then with relief she saw the train coming.

“oh look your train is here” she said and fled up the platform. Clearly the man was madder than she thought

“wait” shouted Larry “my harem” but the doors beeped and slammed in his face.

Foolish woman he thought, well he didn’t need her. There were plenty out there who would join his harem.

“good morning and welcome to this south west train service to London Waterloo calling at Strawberry hill, Twickenham, Richmond.....”

The loud voice cut across Larry’s thoughts and he gazed around him, where was the voice coming from? He stood up and explored the carriage, looking under the seats to see if the speaker was hidden anywhere amongst them. No. Where was this voice coming from then?

He set off up the train looking for the source of the voice. 2 carriages up he spied a man inside a small cupboard speaking into a microphone

“would all passengers remember to take their luggage with them...”

Aha! Larry’s eyes widened, at last a way he could communicate with his followers. The man finished speaking and then stood up, brushing past Larry, and heading off up the train leaving the door open. It was meant to be thought Larry and he stepped inside the room. The microphone looked easy to operate, he cleared his throat

“now hear this, I am Lazbotron, the world’s best Larry and I am speaking to all my followers. I am being persecuted by fools and heretics who do not appreciate that all should be Larry. My followers must rise up and smite these unbelievers who would stand in my path. Join with me my people and together we shall fight them marching arm in arm across the rooftops of the world”

“oi!! Mate what do you think you’re doing??” the guard returned glaring at Larry. “Get out of there”

“i am communing with my followers”

“yeh and I’m Napoleon Bonaparte”

“Well you’re clearly not! he was much shorter and”

“oh comedian are you?”

“and omnipotent god, but yes how did you guess?”

5 minutes later, Larry found himself deposited at Vauxhall station “and stay off my train” the guard yelled as the doors shut.

Ha! Another one who would be up against the wall thought Larry and he stalked off towards the City.

Oh my, he's going to end up getting locked up at this rate. Mind you that would be good for Jim in a way.

Smashing add.

Hahaha oh my... this is hilarious!

~~Oh Larry I would like to be in your harem.~~ >///<

Oh, you used the rooftops of the world line, awesome. I do hope you don't abandon this one, it's brilliantly funny. I'm giggling like crazy at the adventures of the Divine Lazbotron.

There were plenty out there who would join his harem.

Yep, he can totally have me. :)

This fic is just covered in awesome sauce and win. I thought I was gonna lose my voice from laughing so hard. Keep on writing; I can't wait to see what happens next.

"All shall be Larry" is a wonderful sentence, and I want to write it everywhere...

Back at the studios, Simon and Martha arrived to pick up Jim.

“How is he?” asked Martha as Simon poured over the map with Ben and Jim sat in the back of the car starting out of the window

“Not good” said Mat “he blames himself because apparently after he hugged Simon he thought there was something wrong but he hugged Ben and Larry anyway. We’ve said to him it’s not his fault, I mean it’s magic for god’s sake, how is anyone supposed to know what will happen?”

“Well Simon and I will look after him and try and make him understand that it isn’t his fault”

Ben and Simon came over “right, let’s get this show on the road” said Simon

“Got your pears?” said Martha

“Oh yeh, can’t drive without my pears man” grinned Simon

“Right, well keep in touch and let us know what’s going on” said Ben “drive safely”

“Will do” Simon and Martha got in the car, Martha with the map on her lap and the car pulled away, the small figure of Jim sat forlornly in the back.

“Do you think he’ll be OK?” asked Mat

“Yeh” said Ben “he’s got Martha and Simon with him”

“No I mean the hugs; do you think they’ll go right again?”

Ben shook his head “who knows but I hope so. Imagine if he can never hug anyone again”

Mat put his arm round Ben’s waist, "imagine if we could never do this again”

Ben shuddered and dropped his arm round Mat’s shoulder “don’t even think it”

They stood in silence for a few moments

“Right come on” said Ben “we need to go Larry hunting”

“Where do you think he’s gone?” said Mat

“No idea” said Ben

“What??” said Mat “what do you mean no idea?”

Ben started at him “well why would I?”

“Well because...because....well because you’re Ben and you always know” said Mat. Ben’s reputation as the irritating on set know it all was well deserved.

“Normal stuff yes but strangely enough, I’m struggling to comprehend what I’d do it I thought I were an omnipotent deity”

Mat frowned “well, he hasn’t got a car or his bike so he’s on foot which means he can’t have gone far”

“Good point, not just a pretty face are you?” Ben grinned at him
Mat stuck his tongue out “which means we should start off by looking around here to see if there is any sign of him”

“Ok” Ben nodded “let’s do that” and they set off hand in hand

It didn’t take long before they found signs of Larry

I LOVE THE SONG BUT I’VE BEEN TO THE CRIMEA AND I DON’T REMEBER A RIVER

JUST TRIED SOME INTENSELY SOFTENING BODY WASH AND TURNED INTO AN AMORPHOUS JELLY

“He’s still got his pens then” said Mat looking at the words scrawled across the wall

“So it would seem”

They kept walking and found more

YOU KNOW THAT CIRCUS TRAIN FROM INDIANA JONES? WELL IMAGINE I'M ON THAT... THEN SUBTRACT THE ANIMALS, CHASE SEQUENCE AND DRAMATIC SCORE.

“Oh” Mat stopped “I know where he’s gone”

“Where, a circus?”

“No” Mat slapped Ben playfully “to the train station”

“Train station??”

“Yeh think about it. It’s the only way he can get anywhere. He’ll have got the train to London to try and find his followers”

Ben seized Mat and kissed him “have I ever told you you’re brilliant?”

“Not enough times”

“You’re brilliant!,Right let’s get the car” and they ran back to the studios

A/N Chloe and Gemma if you should happen to read this I really hope you don't mind your cameo apperance in this fic but Larry needed to meet some of his followers and your names came to mind :)

Meanwhile in London, Larry was marching purposefully towards...well actually he wasn’t really sure but he was marching purposefully towards it nevertheless.

He was now seriously cross. His means of communication had been stolen from him, he’d been thrown off his mode of transport just as he was starting to commune with his followers and now his pens had run out.
And his smiting powers had been stolen as well.

He had tried to smite a courier who had nearly run him over when he was crossing the road but his shout of “DIE UNBELIEVER” as he thrust out his hand and put on his best menacing face had been met with “fuck off tosser”.

He had experimentally tried to smite a few snails and a worm but it had been a total failure, even when he varied his menacing faces. It was all most annoying!!

Suddenly he heard voices

“It is, it’s him!”

“Oh my god, it IS, it’s Larry!”

Larry turned to see a group of young women

“Excuse me” said one of them politely “but you are Larry Rickard aren’t you?”

Larry smiled. At last! Followers!

“I am the divine Lazbotron yes”

“OH MY GOD!!” screamed one of them before her friend hushed her “sorry, it’s just, Larry! We love you”

Larry’s smile got wider “do you follow me?”

“Oh my god, YES” said another “we LOVE your tweets, you’re hilarious”

“And cute too” muttered another one

“sshhhh we don’t want to look like huge fan girls”

“But we are”

“Larry” said the first girl again “where have you been? You haven’t been on twitter for ages”

“Ah” Larry’s face darkened “heretics stole my phone”

The girls laughed “heretics?”

“Yes, Mat and Ben, they stole my phone and locked me in a room”

The girls laughed again “oh we love hearing about your onset pranks”

“Pranks??” said Larry frowned “they dared come between me and my followers; they shall pay when all is Larry”

“All is Larry?” said the girls questioningly

“yes, the time has come for the divine Lazbotron to assume his rightful place as rule of the world”

The girls collapsed with laughter “oh larry, you’re so funny”

“funny? I’m totally serious. All shall be Larry”

The girls laughed again “all shall be larry? how?”

“I am the divine Lazbotron and Jim is my High Priest, together we will cast out the unbelievers”

“are jimothy hugs really magic then?” said one of the girls “we thought it was a joke”

“Definitely” said Larry

They squealed
“I KNEW it!”
“oh Jim, magic hugs!”
“just too adorable”

“Larry would you mind if we took a picture?” said one of them "we'd really appreciate it"

“of course, I understand your need to savour my divinity” and he posed as she snapped a photo on her phone.

Larry’s eyes gleamed, a phone!!! His hands itched to take it. He licked his lips. By rights he should order the girl to hand it over but he couldn’t risk a refusal especially now his smiting powers had deserted him

“Can I see your phone” he asked

“Sure” said the girl, who may have been called Gemma handing it over

Larry took it and turned it over, perfect, just like the one those infidels had stolen

"Why don’t I take your photo” he suggested

“Oh yes please” said one of the other girls who may have been called Chloe

They clustered together

“Back” said Larry “I can’t get you all in”

They went back

“A bit further”

“More”

“Smile”

Larry turned and sprinted away

The girls stared after him open mouthed

“He just stole my bloody phone” said Gemma

Chloe whipped out her phone and tweeted “just met @lazbotron, he stole Gemma’s phone! Larry can we have our phone back?”

Poor Jim, so unhappy, but Martha and Simon will care for him.

Ben and Mat - big Larry hunters.

Your Larry is brilliant, I can just see him being like that.

Can't wait for more - please?

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