Round 3 - Return of the Meme
Oct. 31st, 2011 01:57 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hhanonRound 3 - Return of the Meme
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That's nearly the end of the storia, for onto the scene comes our much loved meme: HAIL TO THE QUEEN OF PROMPTIA.
Fill Jimothy's Magic Hugs AU 14a/15 now
Date: 2011-12-15 02:08 pm (UTC)Hyde Park, Larry entered the gates by Marble Arch, his followers were only minutes away and...he turned the corner and his smile spread from ear to ear. There clustered around Speakers Corner were hundreds of people, mostly young women but some older ones too and some men as well.
Some were standing in groups talking while others stood alone, a look of expectation on their faces while still others were fiddling with their phones.
Many of them were wearing lumberjack style shirts whilst others were wearing “what would larry do?” t shirts and wrist bands.
As he approached, someone at the back of the group screamed “oh my god it’s HIM” and the crowd of people surged around him
“larry, larry”
“we weren’t sure it was real”
“so is this all a big prank then?”
“is Bobsy with you” (who the hell was Bobsy wondered Larry)
“about this harem”
“please please my loyal followers, stand back and allow the divine Lazbotron room”
They fell back enough to allow him through but people were still trying to touch him, take photos and ask him questions
“when do we take over the world?”
“where’s Jim?”
“what about the hugs?”
Eventually he reached the platform and climbed on to it as his followers began to applaud
“Larry, larry, larry” they chanted
He stood there letting the applause wash over him and then eventually began to shush them
“loyal acolytes” he began “The divine Lazbotron has come among you at last”
There were cheers and whoops and hollars
“the world is a mean and cruel place, full of liars and heretics. The BBC even faked Frozen Planet!” there were gasps from the crowd “nothing is sacred. We shall change this together! All Shall be Larry”
More cheers and clapping
“we shall populate the earth with our divine offspring through our imperial harem”
There were a large number of screams from the crowd and several women fainted
“we shall convert those who deny us through the use of the High Priest Jimothy’s magic hugs”
The crowd chanted “jimmy Jimmy”
Those that refuse to be converted and choose to remain heretics shall be executed”
“yaaa....oooooooh ummmmm” the crowd’s cheers tailed off and there were several mutters of “sounds a bit drastic”
Larry sighed, he needed to toughen these people up but he had time on his side, his was the Divine Lazbotron after all
“alright, all heretics shall be sent to live in Luton where the train service is terrible”
“hurrahhhhhh”
except for Ben and Mat, he thought, they will be executed as they stole our phone from us with deliberate and intentional naughtiness.
“so my people are you with me?”
“yes”
"ARE YOU WITH ME??"
"YES!!!"
“what will everything be?”
"LARRY LARRY LARRY"
He stood there arms raised milking the applause waiting for it to die down
“and now we will choose our Imperial Harem”
Hiding in the bushes Ben and Mat groaned, this was so much worse than they thought.
“I hope Jim get’s here soon” whispered Mat
"Me too, apart from anything if Larry starts trying to mate with the fans we’ll be off air quicker than you can say ‘shoot public sector strikers’” said Ben
Re: Fill Jimothy's Magic Hugs AU 14a/15 now
Date: 2011-12-15 05:49 pm (UTC)Just a thought how the hell is Jim going to get to Larry without being accidentally hugged to death?
Re: Fill Jimothy's Magic Hugs AU 14a/15 now
Date: 2011-12-16 05:12 am (UTC)Re: Fill Jimothy's Magic Hugs AU 14a/15 now
Date: 2011-12-16 08:37 pm (UTC)and I love the last sentence. Ha.
Fill Jimothy's Magic Hugs AU 14b/15 now
Date: 2011-12-18 04:54 pm (UTC)“come on Simon, can’t you go any faster?”
“I don’t like to drive too fast man, upsets my karma”
“for fucksake Simon, this is important”
“we’ll get there, stop flapping, would you like a pear?”
“no I don’t want a sodding pear, I want you to speed up”
Jim spotted a sign for services “pull in there Simon”
“why?”
“just do it”
Simon obligingly pulled off the motorway
“now get out”
“what?”
“i’m driving” and he batted at Simon’s arm “move”
“ok ok” and he shuffled over and Jim ran round the car and jumped in the driver’s seat
“Right” he said determinedly “now for some speed”
He pulled away...and stopped after 20 feet to adjust the seat so he could actually reach the pedals and see over the steering wheel
“Right, now we’re off” and he wheel spun away
Simon looked over at him “don’t worry, we’ll get there in time”
“I hope so”
“We will and then you can sort out the Divine lazbotron” he laughed “god can you imagine how many years worth of pisstaking we’re going to get out of this??”
In spite of himself Jim smiled “oh so very many”
With Jim at the wheel they made good time even if Simon did spend a lot of time gripping the door handle, or his seat belt and during one rather close overtaking manoeuvre closing his eyes.
“Right we’re about 10 mins away Simon, call Mat or Ben and tell them we’re nearly there” said Jim
Simon pulled out his phone and rang Mat; the phone rang...and rang and rang.
“Strange” said Simon “there’s no answer”
“Try Ben” said Jim “strange though, I mean they know we’re coming”
Simon rang Ben, the phone rang a few times and then someone picked up
“Hello” said Simon but there was no answering hello from Ben. Instead there was the sound of lots of voices shouting, some ominous thuds and then the phone went dead
“Oh crap” said Simon
“What?” said Jim, “what’s happened?”
“I dunno man but I don’t think it’s good. We need to get there quickly” said Simon looking, for him, very worried
Just then they saw the sign for Hyde Park
“thank god” said Jim looking for somewhere to park and then pulling in
“so” said Simon brightly “what disguise are we going to use then?”
“er disguise??”
“well we don’t want you getting hugged to death do we? I mean all those people believe Larry is the Divine Lazbotron, they’re going to believe your hugs are magic as well”
“bollocks, never thought of that” said Jim
“don’t worry “ said Simon “I’ve got something in the boot” and he jumped out
“what about this?” he said
“oh you have GOT to be kidding me” said JIm
Re: Fill Jimothy's Magic Hugs AU 14b/15 now
Date: 2011-12-18 05:24 pm (UTC)And him having to alter the seat and pedals, I have to do that every time my husband drives my car.
A great add, so happy to see it.
Re: Fill Jimothy's Magic Hugs AU 14b/15 now
Date: 2011-12-18 08:47 pm (UTC)Really looking forward to the conclusion of this one, though it's also a shame to see it end.
Fill Jimothy's Magic Hugs AU 14c/15 now
Date: 2011-12-18 09:11 pm (UTC)“Oh god”
“What Mat? What’s he doing??”
“Choosing his harem” and indeed he was. Striding through the crowd, Larry was busy choosing women. Those he selected were sent to stand on the dais while those not selected were left to stand disappointed in the crowd.
“You know” said Mat peering through the leaves “on the plus side, Laz must have more stamina that we thought”
“Why?”
“Well by my count, he’s already up to about 30 already”
“30!”
“Yep about that...hmmm maybe 35 now”
“Fuck” Ben banged his head against the foliage screening him and Mat “we can’t let him do this. God we’ll all be sacked”
“I agree, any actual ideas what we should do about it though? You know given that he’s got a crowd of hundreds on his side, and we’ve got well us and hopefully Jim and Simon when they get here. We’ll just have to sit tight”
Ben swore, he knew Mat was right “bloody buggering hell, we’re just going to have to wait for Jim to get here aren’t we?”
“Yep I think so”
“What’s he doing now?”
Mat peered through the branches of the bush again “well he’s up to about 50....and oh hang on”
“What? What?”
“It looks like he’s getting ready to leave” and indeed that was the case. Larry had returned to the platform and was preparing to depart, taking his harem with him
“Fuck, we can’t let him get away” said Ben “we may not find him again”
“What do you suggest we do?” said Mat
“I think we’re going to have to confront him” said Ben “and hope that delays him enough for Jim and Simon to get here”
“Hmmm are we sure that’s a good idea?” said mat “you know given that he’s threatened to kill us and stuff”
“He won’t kill us” said Ben “this is Lazza for god sake. This is real life not a film.”
“Yeh real life where people do magic hugs” said Mat “it’s not exactly 100% normality you know”
“I don’t think we have a choice Mat. This could be our only chance to confront him – you know before he starts practising trying to repopulate the world with mini Larry’s”
Mat sighed, he knew Ben was right “ok then, let’s do it – but if he kills us I’m going to be really bloody cross”
“So am I” said Ben “I planned on making a honest man of you next year”
Oh! An enormous grin lit up Mat’s face “we’ll be fine won’t we?” and he kissed Ben briefly but sweetly on the lips
“Definitely” said Ben “right take my hand and let’s do this”
They steeped out from behind the bushes
“OI LAZZA” yelled Ben “THE DIVINE LAZBOTRON I'M TALKING TO YOU”
Larry had been busy with his arms around 2 women on the stage but at the sound of Ben’s voice, he turned his head and narrowed his eyes. So! They had come then
The crowd which had been talking and murmuring fell silent as Mat and Ben approached
“You are unbelievers” said Larry “and heretics. You shall be punished”
“Come on Laz” said Mat “this has all got completely out of hand. Let’s go for a pint and talk about it”
“Do you believe we are the Divine lazbotron?”
Ben and Mat looked at each other. They were now about 10 feet from Larry
“ANSWER US” shouted Larry “DO YOU BELIEVE?”
Ben took a deep breath “no” he said
There was a swell of angry murmuring form the crowd
“SEIZE THEM” shouted Larry.
The crowd surged forward and Mat and Ben found themselves grabbed by various people. They tried to cling onto each other’s hands but were ripped apart
“MAT” yelled Ben kicking at the people holding his arms “get OFF me”. His phone began to ring and he tired to free his arms to answer it but no chance. It was seized by one of the crowd and then stamped on.
He was propelled forward and forced to his knees in front of Larry. He could see Mat being dragged forward and then he was pushed to his knees as well.
Larry put his hand under his chin and forced him to look up.
“So” said Larry “are you prepared to die?”
Re: Fill Jimothy's Magic Hugs AU 14c/15 now
Date: 2011-12-18 09:34 pm (UTC)“So am I” said Ben “I planned on making a honest man of you next year”
That got a huge "Awwwwwwwwww". :)
Re: Fill Jimothy's Magic Hugs AU 14c/15 now
Date: 2011-12-19 06:36 am (UTC)this is so good and I will miss it terribly when it ends.
And keep on writing the fic, long or short ones we love them.
Fill Jimothy's Magic Hugs AU 14d/15 now
Date: 2011-12-19 09:25 am (UTC)“Well yeh man, I mean who is going to stop two nuns?”
“But why have you got nun costumes in your car?”
“You don’t want to know, you really don’t” said Simon going red
Jim looked at him and then shook his head “yeh you’re right I probably don’t”
Quickly they pulled the costumes on and pulled the veils round their heads
“Brilliant” said Simon “no-one will recognise us. Right let’s go”
“Before we dash off into certain and unknown danger, not that I’m not looking forward to that of course, what’s the plan when we get there?” said Jim
Simon shook his head “I don’t know really, I guess it depends on what’s going on. The important thing is we get you to hug Larry as soon as possible”
Jim nodded “so the usual make it up as we go along then?”
“Yeh think of it as improv”
“Right, let’s go then” said Jim setting off at a run
2 minutes later.....
“I think maybe a fast walk would be better” he wheezed.
Walking very quickly they made it through the gates of Hyde Park. Being dressed as nuns definitely had advantages as people did seem to melt out of their way. Everyone also seemed to be walking in the same direction which helped, towards Speakers Corner
“I’ve got a bad feeling” hissed Jim at Simon “a very bad feeling”
“Me too” whispered Simon “I think the Divine Labotron is really pulling in the crowds”
They turned the corner and stopped faced with a sea of people
“Simon, Simon, I can’t see” said Jim “what’s going on?”
“Well from what I can see, Larry has Mat and Ben on the stage on their knees....oh and it looks like he’s threatening to kill them”
“WHAT???”
“Oh hang on I could be wrong, he could be offering Mat that woman’s scarf cos he thinks he’s cold.....nope, no he’s definitely threatening to hang him”
“Ssshhhhhhhhh” hissed someone in the crowd, “I’m trying to hear what he’s saying”
“Probably blessed are the cheese makers” said Simon
“Really?” said the stranger “thanks. Bit of a weird thing to say though”
Simon rolled his eyes and then grabbed Jim “right come on then, time to save your friends lives, you know, as you do”
Up on the stage, Larry had succeeded in knotting the scarf around Mat’s neck and with the help of several followers was dragging him, kicking and struggling the whole way, over to a tree. Ben was being held down by, well quite a lot of people really, as he fought to get free shouting unrepeatable things at Larry about what he was going to do to him.
Fortunately for Jim and Simon this meant everyone’s attention was fixed on the stage and they were able to get close.
3 of Larry’s followers were holding Mat up and Larry had wound the end of the scarf round the tree
“Fucking hell” said Jim “Jesus, he’s really going to hang him”. He felt sick. After today he swore, no magic hugs, never again.
“Yep he is” said Simon “so time to do your thing” and he grabbed Jim and charged up onto the stage. He knocked people aside and made a beeline for Larry, dragging Jim in his wake.
By now people had become alert that something was happening and were trying to grab Simon but Simon was very big, and when he wanted to be, which was hardly ever, very fast. Nevertheless, there were now a lot of people surrounding him and he knew he couldn’t get much closer to Larry who was about 6ft away
“Sorry about this man” he said to Jim and he picked him up and hurled him at Larry, hoping the momentum would be enough to get him there.
“Arghhhh fuck...” Jim sailed through the air and crashed into the ground just short of Larry who was standing there opened mouthed. He rolled over picked himself up and threw himself at Larry, fastening his arms round his neck as they both went down in a heap.
Fill Jimothy's Magic Hugs AU 14e/15 now
Date: 2011-12-19 09:27 am (UTC)“That’s it” he muttered under his breath “come on Larry hug me”
“Jim???” Larry sounded very dazed and confused “Jim? What’s going on?”
Oh thank god, thank god thought Jim
“Who are you?” demanded Jim
“Err...have you gone mad” said Larry looking puzzled “and why are you dressed as a nun?”
“Answer the fucking question” shouted Jim “I’ve had a very bad few days so just, answer it”
“Um I’m Larry Rickard”
“And what do you do for a living?”
“...err”
“TELL ME”
“I write for comedy shows”
“Oh thank you, thankyouthankyouthankyou” and Jim hugged Larry again before pulling him to his feet
“Mat!!” Ben shot past them “Mat”
“Why is Mat tied to a tree?” said Larry “in fact where are we? Has the world gone mad or something and I’m the only sane one left?”
Ben freed Mat and put his arms round him “thankgodthankgod, I thought he was going to kill you”
Mat rubbed his throat wincing “so did I. bloody hell that was scary”
Ben shuddered “it was awful. I thought you were going to die. Sod next year, I’m making an honest man of you as soon as”
They went over to Larry
“So you’re not the divine lazbotron anymore then” said Mat croakily
“The divine what??” said Larry “what are you talking about?”
“It’s a long looong story”
“Um I don’t want to alarm people” said Simon “but I think we may have a problem. Larry you need to get rid of these people”
“People???”
Simon tuned Larry’s head to the side so he could see the very large crowd of puzzled looking people
“Those are your followers oh divine one” said Ben
“Followers?”
“Yeh you were convinced you were a god or something and you told all these people to meet you here to help you take over the world”
“Wha....?” Larry put his head in his hands “I don’t remember any of this” he said “are you sure this isn’t some massive wind up?”
Jim laughed hollowly “oh we only wish it were” he said “just tell them you have reconciled with the heretics and are going into conference with them”
“Err...”
“Just tell them”
“Ok”. Larry walked to the front of the stage “um yeh I am reconciled with the heretics apparently and I’m err going into conference with them?”
“But what about taking over the world?” shouted someone
“Yeh um I’ll let you know as soon as I have a plan” said Larry
“I thought you had a plan, that’s why you brought us here”
“Yes but it wasn’t a good enough one for my um loyal followers so I’m writing a better one. I shall let you know when it is ready. Now go home and err prepare for Larry” he pulled an agonised face at Jim “do you think that will work?” he said under his breath
“well seems to be” croaked Mat “they’re leaving”
“But what us?” said a woman “what about the plan to repopulate the world with the divine lazbotrons’ offspring?”
“Yes” said another approaching Larry and running her hand up his chest "I think we need to practise as soon as possible”
“Ah yes” grinned Ben “Larry, this is your imperial harem – apparently”
“Harem???”
“Yes” said Mat “you planned to take over the world by having lots of sex and baby Larry’s”
Larry blushed and then grinned “I don’t suppose I could still....”
“No you couldn’t” said Ben firmly “sorry ladies but the divine one has had a busy morning and needs some rest. Come on Larry” and he took him firmly by the arm and began to propel him towards the gate, as Larry cast longing looks behind him.
As you can imagine, it took a long time to explain to Larry what had been going on and an even longer time to convince him that he didn’t really need a harem
“But there are all those women who want me”
“No Laz”
“But it would be rude to disappoint them”
“We said no”
“Spoilsports”
Fill Jimothy's Magic Hugs AU 15/15
Date: 2011-12-19 09:31 am (UTC)Ben was as good as his word and made an honest man of Mat. Larry, Jim and Simon were all best men and if Ben’s father told everyone how much he loved him during the speeches; well that was just the after effects of the hug wasn’t it? and nothing to do with how he really felt. They spent a lot of time at the cottage with Ben’s parents and when they decided to adopt a baby girl named Martha Caroline (so much less trouble than a boy!); Mat was inspired to write an album of songs that became a global sensation.
Simon combined his love of pears with his love of alcohol and became the most successful producer of pear cider in the UK. He lives on a big farm and often has his god children to stay. They never did find out why he had nun’s costumes in his car.
Larry became Larry again and was mostly normal apart from a strange urge to “make a difference”. He became the first mayor of Brighton where he still lives. His first act as Mayor was to make Brighton the first polyamorous city in the UK. He always knew he’d get his harem in the end.
And Jim?? Well the fallout from the hugs convinced Jim that he should tell Martha how he felt about her, so there was a second horrible histories wedding and exactly 12 months later, the twins Mathew Benjamin Howick and Simon Laurence Howick made their sleepy blue eyed appearance to the world.
The magic hugs never went wrong again but Jim learnt to value them more and confined them to his family. And if little Mat and little Simon grew up to be the most hugged boys in the world, well that was no bad thing
And so in the manner of all the best stories, they all lived happily ever after
The End
Re: Fill Jimothy's Magic Hugs AU 15/15
Date: 2011-12-19 05:32 pm (UTC)Adored Simon throwing Jim at Laz.
Only one thing wrong with this! Now its over I have nothing to look forward to reading.
Write us another lovely fic please?
Re: Fill Jimothy's Magic Hugs AU 15/15
Date: 2011-12-20 02:58 pm (UTC)lol yeh I couldn't think of how else to get Jim close enough
I will, it's just that after this one and the Baby Mat one I'm a little bit brain frazzled!
hopefully I'll come up with something new over Christmas