Round 3 - Return of the Meme

[hhanon]

Round 3 - Return of the Meme

General Rules

• Personal attacks and any kind of abusive trolling, hate speech, or bullying are obviously forbidden. Anon comments violating this rule will be deleted, signed in members will be banned.
• If your comment is deleted/screened/frozen and you don't know why, please email the mod at  hhanonmeme@gmail.com. (If you notice it happening to your comments and you know they're safe, a quick email for the mod to come and unscreen them would be helpful also).
• Prompt posts will close to new prompts at 3,000 comments.

Prompting Rules

• One prompt per comment. 
• Please follow the correct format (see below).
• Include trigger warnings in the subject line. Use your discretion and please be considerate.
• If your prompt is missing something, such as a subject or a warning, repost it in it’s entirety. It is not enough to reply to your own comment with the missing information. The mod will delete the previous duplicate comment.
• Multiple fills of the same prompt by different author!anons are allowed.
• If for any reason you start a fill but feel you can't finish the WIP you've created, and if you're happy to let someone finish it for you, put it up for HH Meme Fostering and Adoption.
• Prompts for projects other than Horrible Histories (ie. Spy, Gavin and Stacy, Rev, St. Trinian's, the O2 adverts etc., and RPF involving actors from those projects should be posted at the What? They've acted in other things?! post.

Format of Prompts

• Put [RPF] before RPF prompts. 
• For crossover prompts: "[Crossover], HH Character(s)/Other Character(s), [Fandom]" 
• Anyone, everyone, no one? Use "Other."
• Put [GEN] before GEN prompts, just so you don't get unwanted shipping.
• Use appropriate warnings. I'm trusting you all to know what that means.
• Don't embed any photos, videos or other media.
• Copy and paste links in full; anon comments with active coded links are marked as spam  and the mod doesn't switch accounts often enough - it may be a few days before those  screened comments are de-screened (see: emailing the mod a heads up if it happens).

Archiving Prompts and Fills

• To make the archiving job easier, please drop a link to your fill/unprompted fic here at the fills post.
• Nothing here you fancy filling? Take a look at the unfilled prompts archived here or at Round 1 or Round 2.

That's nearly the end of the storia, for onto the scene comes our much loved meme: HAIL TO THE QUEEN OF PROMPTIA.

Comments

Bobsy/Cliff Whiteley library romance, sex in the stacks

[(Anonymous)]

...I need more of them being awesome ok? Plus with their weirder senses of humor I can just picture them getting along which leads to a relationship. Maybe Bobsy and Cliff are researching at the same library and somehow cross paths?

Dick Turpin/James Smith, crossdressing

[(Anonymous)]

Dick Turpin, as a highwayman, must've dressed up as a lady needing help to make stagecoaches stop.

James Smith finds this disguise rather attractive.

Re: Dick Turpin/James Smith, crossdressing

[(Anonymous)]

Excellent prompt!

Gregory Gang/James Hind James doms them all

[(Anonymous)]

Owing to a glitch in the time sewers, James ends up in Georgia England and runs into the Gregory Gang. Appalled that they are not being highway man for a social cause like he is, he decides to teach them a lesson

[RPF] Lawry/Martha one-sided Martha/rest of the men fluff

[(Anonymous)]

Most of the guys have crushes on Martha, but she has a crush on the one member of the cast who has never tried to flirt with her.

Unprompted: [RPF] Mat/Jim Drawing The Lines.

[balinese-baby.livejournal.com]

Drawing the Lines.

Locking his car, Mat glanced furtively up and down the road before he reached up and carefully adjusted his beanie so it was right down on his face. Once he was satisfied that it was on to his liking he turned and made his way across the pavement and up the path to the front door, his eyes fixed on the ground, his gait making him look like he desperately needed the toilet. Reaching the front door, he shoved his hands into his pockets and rifled through them for his key, a sigh escaping from between his pursed up lips as he found them and dragged them out into the cold night air. Entering the house, he paused for a moment and listened carefully for any sound that might signal that his other half was still abroad. Hearing nothing he relaxed, closing and locking the front door behind him before removing his coat and shoes. The coat he hung on the rail, the shoes he picked up and carried up the stairs, placing each foot carefully as he crept up to their bedroom. Ten minutes later he climbed into bed, the relief that Jim hadn’t woken up letting him drift off to sleep much easier than he’d expected to.

Waking up the next morning, he rolled onto his back and yawned loudly, his arms instinctively stretching up and hitting the headboard, his feet doing the same at the other end of the bed. Keeping his eyes closed, he yawned again, he felt good even though there was a little something nagging away in the back of his brain. A snickering sound made him open his eyes. He knew that sound very well, only one person he knew snickered like that. Blinking, he glazed down towards the sound. Knelt there on the bed about level with his knees was Jim, Jim his other half, his cute pixie faced boy, his beloved idiot. Meeting his gaze, Jim giggled again, his amusement written clearly across his face. Wondering just what it was that was he found so funny, Mat pushed himself up onto one elbow and lifted one eyebrow enquiringly. At that Jim bent over and laughed out loud, his arms wrapped tightly around his visibly shaking body. Puzzled Mat sat up and rubbed at his face. His eyes widening in shock as he suddenly remembered what had happened the evening before.

Five minutes later he was stood in the bathroom, his hands gripping tightly onto the sides of the wash basin as he stared at his reflection in the mirror. Jim sat on the toilet seat, trying to stifle the giggles and snorts that kept on escaping from between his tightly clenched teeth, and finding it very hard to stop himself grinning like a idiot. Now Mat could remember everything that had happened. The evening before Larry had dared him to shave off his eyebrows and like a fool he’d done it. Jim had warned him often enough not to mix his drinks when he went out with the lads, but did he ever take heed of what he said. When he was with the lads he did the exact opposite, sometimes he thought to prove to the others that he wasn’t under Jim’s thumb like they always hinted he was.

Staring at his reflection, Mat lifted up one hand and traced along the line of where his eyebrow had been and wondered just what he was going to tell people, there was no way he could hide the fact that he’d lost his eyebrows. Getting to his feet, Jim stepped up behind him and snaked his arms around his waist, hugging him close while peppering his back with soft kisses. He might find it funny but he could understand just how awful Mat must be feeling. It was then that he had one of his ideas.

Re: Unprompted: [RPF] Mat/Jim Drawing The Lines.

[balinese-baby.livejournal.com]

Dragging Mat back to their bedroom, he pushed him down on to the bed before going over to the dressing table and searching through the mess for something. Having found it, he returned to the bed, sitting down astride Mat’s knees. Then he told his boyfriend to look straight ahead. A moment later Mat felt something cold touch where one of his eyebrows had been. An odd feeling of something being dragged over his skin followed, stopping after a few seconds as Jim leant back and frowned for a moment before he leant back in and started on the other side, the tip of his tongue protruding out of the side of his mouth as he concentrated on what he was doing. Leaning back again, he stared at his handiwork before he smiled, pleased with what he’d done. Getting up off of Mat’s lap, he pulled him to his feet and over to the dressing table. For a moment he just stared, Jim had drawn in a set of eyebrows, ok they weren’t hairy but they weren’t bad. He’d used a soft brown eye pencil, not black like he was certain Simon would have done, it wasn’t great but it would do until he could think of something better. Giving Jim a smile, he was about to voice his thanks when he had a better idea. Taking hold of Jim’s hand he led him back over to their bed, pushing him down onto his back. He would forget his eyebrows for now, maybe later on he could see if he could get some glue on ones from their mates in make up. But now he was more interested in thanking Jim for loving him however stupid he sometimes was.

Dick Turpin/James Smith, Le Belle Dame Sans Merci

[(Anonymous)]

http://www.bartleby.com/126/55.html

Because I feel like the woman/creature in it could really work for Dick. And the tempting hints of sexuality seem to suit them~.

[RPF] Other/Other + Other, Porn star AU

[(Anonymous)]

...Yeah. The cast are making pornos instead of sketch shows (Oh God, thank christ this is anon). But there are still hijinks and laughter and maybe even a few people falling in love besides~.

Re: [RPF] Other/Other + Other, Porn star AU

[(Anonymous)]

...Sometimes I think they are with all the implications, naked torsos, touching, and all that. I mean come on - all those Olympic games sketches where someone is naked, how they manage to stick non-kid friendly characters - Elgabalus and so on - into a kids show, then the fanservice *hair sniffing!*

Seconded oh so hard!!

Fem!Alex / Fem!Heph

[(Anonymous)]

Not quite sure why I'm requesting this, it's just unexpectedly came to my mind.
Don't have anything specifically in mind, so just go with whatever your wonderful brains can come up with!
(I do think we need some more girl/girl action-fic on here!)

[RPF] Larry/Ben

[(Anonymous)]

Years ago, possibly around the end of university, Larry had a one night stand with an absolutely stunning man in a bar. Imagine his shock when, on the first day of working on a new show, he comes face to face with that stunning man again.

Preferably a happy ending, but do whatever else you want~.

Charles I/Cromwell

[(Anonymous)]

There's nothing that Charles loves more than making Cromwell beg.

[RPF] Larry/Other, oral fixation

[(Anonymous)]

...Yep.

UNPROMPTED: Easier Than It Looks, Alexander/Hephaestion/Female, NC-17 [1/2]

[(Anonymous)]

“It’s alright.”

Popella smiles underneath him, leans back against the pillows and spreads her legs like she’s done it a thousand times before (which she probably has… And he will not be saying that out loud because both she and Aeneas could easily have his head upon a pole).

“It’s perfectly simple, Hephaestion…”

Popella smiles all the wider, all the more encouragingly…

“I know that,” he mutters, and slowly draws his chiton over his head – dropping it casually to the side as Popella arches up on her elbows and simply looks “…It’s just my first time, okay? I’m bound to be a little bad at this.”

“You weren’t that bad with me.”

He remains silent.

“And that was your first time ever, so…”

He remains silent, staring awkwardly down at his feet.

“It’ll be alright,” until Popella finally arches up on her elbows again, and interrupts as politely as a person possibly can, “I’ve had all sorts, and at least you’re reasonably attractive. Just take it slow and I’m sure that you’ll be fine.”

…He bites his lip.

“…Sire,” for so long that Popella has to interrupt again, glancing over at Alexander and respectfully dropping her eyes, “it might go easier if you got him ready for it first? He is not used to such things, and I’m not sure if he has enough attraction for the female form to manage it himself.”

And that is faintly true.

“You may have a point,” and Alexander knows it. As he sighs, steps forwards and takes him into those muscular arms that can convince him into just about anything, “and I have made many sacrifices in the course of duty…”

“I am a sacrifice?” He mocks nervously, without bite.

“Hush, Hephaestion,” and then is kissed, so hard and so sweetly that he’s left clutching at Alexander’s shoulders as the rest of the world recedes around them.

It’s a nice sensation.

Has always been a nice sensation.

And so it’s a shock when he’s pushed away, hard and whining for it, and guided back to the pillows – where Popella is still lying with a certain amount of glittering interest in her eyes.

“Now-“ Alexander starts, a smirk starting to curve his lips.

“Alexander,” he has to interrupt, hurriedly and with an awful lot of panic despite the bravely continuing erection, “I don’t know where to go…”

“Honestly,” And Alexander huffs, as ever… But kneels down, cocks a questioning eyebrow at Popella as he raises his fingers and wriggles, “do you mind if I-?”

“Go ahead, sire,” she purrs, eyes still glittering.

…And then gasps, a surprisingly erotic sound, as Alexander slides one finger into her – shifts into a faintly helpful position so that it’s easy for him to bend over and see where they’re so temptingly joined.

“Got it?” And then Alexander breaks the spell, tugging his finger out and drawing back with a faint toss of his hair.

“…I think,” and there’s no other option but to take up position, in between Popella’s thighs as she arches beneath him and gently places her hands on his shoulders, “do I just-?”

“You’ve done this before, Hephaestion,” Alexander says, wearily.

“Not often!”

“I’m Alexander the Great!”

“You’ll be Alexander the Great and never slept with if you don’t-“

“Boys,” Popella dares to interrupt them, with another arch of her spine and a faint flutter of her eyelids “…Just thrust into me, alright? Try and take it slow, and don’t panic over the sensations being a tiny bit different – it’s still just sex, it still involves penetration.”

“…Unless it’s intercrural.”

“Hephaestion…” Alexander sighs.

And he breathes in through his nose, a little nervous though he’d never admit it out loud, and glares briefly over at Alexander and wonders if he could just run out into the night and hide behind Perdiccias until all this blows over…

UNPROMPTED: Easier Than It Looks, Alexander/Hephaestion/Female, NC-17 [2/2]

[(Anonymous)]

But then slowly closes his eyes instead, and thrusts before he can lose his nerve.

“Ah…”

It’s wetter than usual.

…Warmer than usual too. And he hovers there for a few seconds, arms braced and faintly shaky about it (justifiable, considering that he has no clue where to go from here).

“Hephaestion…” Alexander says eventually.

“I wouldn’t mind continuing…” Popella hints beneath him, going far enough to actually sound a tiny bit impatient.

“Help me,” he interrupts them both, staring at Alexander with eyes so pleading that only a statue would refuse to take pity upon him.

And Alexander, for all his faults, is no statue. He sighs slightly, yes, leans forward to press a slightly frustrated kiss against his shoulder… But still shifts until he’s alongside them both, still twists around until he can easily whisper into his ear, “start thrusting.”

“Like-?”

“Like we normally do, yes.”

…And he attempts one slow, experimental thrust. Finds himself incredibly grateful when Popella manages an encouraging groan beneath him, a smile that can only be called happily kind.

“Keep going,” Alexander recommends, with a smile of his own.

…And so he does, another slow and experimental thrust. And then a slightly faster one. And then a downright speedy one. And then an actually pounding one as Popella lifts her legs around his waist and allows her head to tilt seductively back.

He may actually love her.

He may actually try to grant her lands for this.

“Hephaestion,” Alexander murmurs in his ear, low and slightly amused with his hands still warm, “try and keep to your rhythm, it makes things easier.”

“Much easier,” Popella adds, with a faint and flattering whine beneath him.

And, well…

He can certainly do that, can certainly brace his arms afresh and dare to press brief kisses along her jaw and across the start of her neck. Can certainly keep his hips going, can certainly revel in the feeling of Alexander chuckling behind him, can certainly squeeze his eyes shut at the amount of pleasure going through him right now…

It’s almost glorious.

“Hephaestion,” almost as glorious as Alexander’s voice, warm and soft and ever so tempting in his ear, “you can come now.”

…And Alexander has always ruled him, will always rule him.

And so he comes, thrusting deep within her and groaning in a way that he can’t help and certainly didn’t expect. Feeling her giggle beneath him and Alexander chuckle behind him and the sheer warmth of orgasm with a certain helpless amount of pride.

…So much pride that he doesn’t protest when Alexander decides to gently coax him through his last few thrusts.

So much pride that he almost doesn’t notice when Popella brings herself off with a final few jerks and a low groan.

So much pride that he even smiles, as Alexander kisses his neck and Popella claps his shoulder and he’s drawn back to rest happily against the pillows. Slightly dazed as Alexander guides Popella up and leads her to the door and thanks her happily for great and skilful services.

…That was a lot better than he was expecting.

A lot better.

[RPF] Larry, Others. Gen, comedy.

[(Anonymous)]

For whatever reason (some sort of curse or weird accident or maybe just the effect of far too much Twitter) Larry can now speak and think only in Tweets.

[RPF] Jim/Mat - Christmas fic.

[(Anonymous)]

You could tell it was winter. Jumpers upon jumpers lay on the bed, sprawled out all over the place. The cardigans had soon added to the pile of clothes steadily growing per minute. They were due to leave the next morning and neither of them had yet packed anything more than a few pairs of pants and socks and a can of deodorant between them. A scarf fell onto the pile, then another jumper and a wooly hat. Jim groaned, why was it his job to do the packing? Every year it was the same; all of the cast were to go Brighton for a few days to stay with Larry and Mary, and Jim packed all of the belongings.

Mat, though a fully-grown man, was never good at packing bags. He had never got into the habit as he was growing up and was fortunate enough to have others do it for him, so he didn't have to. It was a bad habit; Jim always shrugged to himself as he rolled up his friend's favourite pair of jeans to fit them into his travel bag. Now, where was his favourite shirt? Where had it gone? With a frown, he called downstairs to his friend who was making the cups of tea.

'Mat, mate?'
'Yeah?' Came his reply, muffled by the ceiling.
'Remind me why I'm packing your bag again...'
'Uh. Well...'
Jim rolled his eyes, shoving something else into the bag and jogging downstairs to raise an eyebrow at Mat. 'Well what?'
'Well, I suppose it's because you're really, really great at it?' He'd used the puppy eyes again, causing Jim to melt like butter. Giant minstrels, erasing all the bad in the wo- Jim, stop. Pull yourself together for god's sake. He thought, furrowing his brow and picking up his tea to take a frustrated sip.

Mat looked down at his feet, having realised the puppy eyes weren't doing the trick. 'I can help you if you need me to?' He suggested, avoiding Jim's gaze and absently tracing the rim of his mug with his finger.
His reply came simply, and very matter of fact. 'I'd like you to. It's quite boring up there by myself.'
'What about the radio?'
'I've heard every Christmas song at least twice in the past few hours.' Jim scoffed, 'If I'm honest I'd much prefer your company.'
'Does that include me singing the Christmas songs for you instead?' Teased Mat.
'Shut it, you' Jim laughed 'Singing will not be accepted.'
He pouted, giving the puppy eyes once more 'Bu-but... I have such a beautiful voice! You said so yourself!'

Jim just laughed, picking up his mug to carry it upstairs as Mat teased further.
'Come on Jim! You love my singing. Check this out!' And with that he started singing, skipping upstairs after Jim. Oh god, please stop. Jim thought, but only for a short moment as although the very last thing he wanted was to listen to Christmas tunes; the fact that Mat was singing to him made it easier to listen to.
They reached the bedroom, Mat still belting out Christmas tunes. Jim crossed the floor to start packing again, watching Mat dance around whilst folding up clothes to help.

Re: [RPF] Jim/Mat - Christmas fic.

[(Anonymous)]

'I don't want a lot for Christmas...
There is just one thing I need...
I don't care about the presents...'

Their eyes met across the room, an awkward exchange expressed by the redness in their cheeks as Mat sang.

'...underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own-'
Jim gulped, putting another t-shirt into the bag, trying to avoid Mat's eye. It was as if he'd chosen to sing this song in particular on purpose. Jim hesitated to switch off the radio that was now clashing with the singing. He smiled to himself, reaching for a jumper. His hand suddenly met Mat's and he was very unsure whether this had been planned, or was simply a coincidence.

'Make my wish come true' whispered Mat, his grip tightening slightly as Jim's head lifted to meet his gaze. 'All I want for Christmas is you.' He looked innocently at his friend, with a slight hint of longing in his eyes. Slowly, he bit down on his lip as Jim eyed him curiously, glancing down to their hands and then back up - into Mat's eyes and then a sneaky glance at his lips. He swallowed, watching every move Baynton was about to make, not sure if he was playing around or being serious. Mat's freehand reached into his pocket and pulled out a cutting of mistletoe. Shit. Mat, don't you dare. Jim warned silently, his eyes flicking across from the mistletoe back to the smirk on Mat's lips.

'Come on Howick, it's Christmas' He smirked, making it obvious what he wanted to happen, his lips forming a slight pout and his eyelids fluttering in a teasing way.
'Oh alright then' Jim laughed, leaning forwards and placing a soft kiss on his lips. He expected it to only last a few seconds but suddenly it lasted a minute, the mistletoe dropped to the floor and suddenly Mat was kissing him back and gently cupping his cheek with his hand. Eyes closed as the pair relaxed, finding this ever more normal per second before finally pulling apart, both looking very flustered and pink.

'Merry Christmas, Mat' Jim smiled, the bright colour fading slightly from his cheeks as he chuckled in disbelief of what'd just happened 'You cheeky bugger.'

[RPF] Time Sewers Cast + Characters interacting

[(Anonymous)]

Just everyone hanging out because we need William the Conqueror and Simon arguing as they decorate for the holidays, Jim trying to keep Nero away from Richard III, and the like.

William I/Alexander the Great

[(Anonymous)]

I don't care if they have angry hate sex after trying to one up each other, drunken fluffy snuggles, or mutual BAMF-ness during a battle against zombies - these two need to interact.

Hengist/Vortigern

[(Anonymous)]

Instead of offering Vortigern his daughter, Hengist offers himself.

Re: Hengist/Vortigern

[(Anonymous)]

...YES! Seriously I posted the other prompt for this pairing and I want this couple so much.

Seconded!!

Mrs Snorradottir/Mr Viking - D/s

[(Anonymous)]

She completely doms him, in bed as well as out of it. He loves it.

Re: Mrs Snorradottir/Mr Viking - D/s

[(Anonymous)]

Seconded rather a lot.

[RPF] Jim/Mat sex in a football stadium

[(Anonymous)]

Several of Jim's recent Tweets have been about sports teams and then he posted a pic of Mat and himself sharing an over-sized scarf at the pub before the game - obviously stadium sex is the next logical step. ;D

Ben + other + other Being Father Christmas

[balinese-baby.livejournal.com]

Ben is asked to be Father Christmas for some friends, he enlists two other members of the cast to be his elves.

UNPROMPTED: A Wild Time, Mat/Lawry, NC-17 [1/5?]

[(Anonymous)]

Mat’s lips are soft under his and he half gasps when he’s backed into the door, body trembling and eyes fluttering shut and Mat’s body so very warm even through his shirt.

“Lawry,” Mat mutters, breaking just briefly to press kisses along his jaw before diving right back in, “Lawry.”

“Mat,” he mutters in reply, into those lips and with his hand automatically coming up to bury themselves in that impossibly thick hair, “Christ! Mat…”

Mat-

…Who is drawing back suddenly, staring at him and biting that just-kissed lip like he’s just found something incredibly funny about this whole situation (with him mentioning tipsily how attractive he found Charles I, and Mat moving in closer and touching his thigh, and almost falling over when he realized how late it was, and Mat kissing him to reassure him that they could both go on to an awful lot later and yes, fair enough, there are actually funny bits about all this).

“What?” He asks breathlessly, hands threading a little bit deeper.

“You,” Mat says pointedly, moving in to press another few kisses along his jaw that do have his eyes fluttering shut in an entirely pleasant way, “sounded just like Cromwell then-“

…He snorts, pushing Mat back a little until he has breathing room again, “we are not roleplaying our first time.”

“But-“ Mat mocks pouts, dark eyes sparkling.

“No.”

“But-“

“No, Mathew,” and he has to gulp when Mat’s eyes go dark like that, has to force in a slightly unsteady breath through his nose and consider all his options “…Mathew.”

“Lawrence,” Mat replies, tone faintly ragged.

…And he can understand why, yes, he actually groans at the use of his full name. Allows his eyes to flicker shut as Mat chuckles and presses yet more biting kisses along the line of his jaw.

“…So,” before eventually pulling back, and giving him a thoughtful look with those still ever so dark (ever so bone melting, if he’s going to be honest as he slumps into a pile upon the floor) eyes, “you want a slightly more traditional first time than roleplaying an executed king and the man who executed him?”

“Just a little,” and he has to smile.

“I’m guessing that bondage is also out, then?”

“Save it for the fourth time.”

“Ice cream?”

“Third time.”

“Blow jobs in the shower?”

“…Maybe next time,” he shudders, can’t quite help a shudder at that, tightens his fingers in Mat’s hair to the point where the man is hissing (And nothing, nothing in the whole wide world, has ever sounded so erotic), “for now, Mathew, I would rather like to fuck you.”

“You sound like the hottest thing in the world when you say that…” And it gets him a kiss, a deep one that has him gasping yet again, and a smirk – Mat drawing slowly back to tilt his head and simply admire, “bedroom, then?”

He smiles, slightly shakily considering what’s going on between his legs, slowly nods, “this time.”

“…In the kitchen the fifth time, then?”

He laughs, suddenly, takes Mat’s hand and nods as sincerely as he possibly can, “and roleplaying all the way.”

UNPROMPTED: A Wild Time, Mat/Lawry, NC-17 [2/5?]

[(Anonymous)]

Mat’s bedroom is a little less crowded than he was expecting. And, to be honest, he’s glad for that – as much as he finds Mat’s helpless clutter endearing, has actually mooned over it a fair few times in between takes, it can make the business of sex a tiny bit awkward.

…The business of sex.

Wow, he’s going to give Larry his money for awful sayings that almost ruin the sexy mood. And he doesn’t even have the charm and speedy wit to back himself up.

“You really do,” Mat interrupts, moving some clothes off the bed – and he has a moment to panic vaguely about mind-reading before realizing that he was actually muttering under his breath, “besides, you also have fantastic eyes, fantastic hair and a body that really doesn’t deserve to be covered up under Puritan clothing – that makes up for a lot.”

“You’re so romantic,” he mutters wryly, coming to stand by the edge of the bed as Mat tosses one final pair of jeans off.

“If you wanted romance you should’ve gone to Willbond or Howick,” Mat sniffs, suddenly spinning to grab his arms and drag, “though I wouldn’t have been very happy about that, I must admit…”

He can’t answer.

He’s already too busy lying on top of Mat, fingers in that wild hair again and bodies pressed together as they happily kiss and kiss and kiss.

“As much as I like frottage…” Kiss so much, in fact, that Mat has to draw back in the end – pant up at him with sparkling eyes and red cheeks and lips so happily bruised that he half wants to declare them the best things that he’s ever seen.

“Oh, yes,” he says instead, like a sensible person as he shoves himself up on the bed, “Clothes off, then?”

“Well, you did say traditional…”

“Actually, you said traditional,” he corrects, fondly, and actually slides off the bed – taking a few steps away so that he has enough room to get naked without horribly injuring himself and requiring a trip to the hospital (it’s happened before and Sod’s law has always been a force to be reckoned with), “I just said no roleplaying in our first time.”

“…And anywhere other than the kitchen?” Mat grins, pushing himself up on his own elbows and watching with an inordinate amount of interest.

“Stop putting words in my mouth,” he teases, with a mock pout barely managed through threatening giggles, and reaches for the bottom of his shirt – fully ready to get naked and get grinding and-

“Wait” …Pause, apparently, with his shirt already over his stomach and his arms tangled in a horribly awkward position, “I want to watch you.”

“…Watch me strip?”

“Yes, properly. Slowly.”

“…Do you have money?”

Mat only grins, settles lazily back on the bed and tilts his head yet again, “you see, this is the reason why I’ve fancied you for months. Glad it wasn’t just the Puritan hat, I must say.”

…Charming.

He still smirks, maybe feeling a little melty but certainly not enough to be noticed, and starts again – drawing his shirt over his head with Mat’s eyes on him all the way.

Mike Peabody/Dick Turpin

[(Anonymous)]

...I don't know why I want this, I just do. Probably because they're both hot.

Mike is sent back to the 1730s to do a special report on the crimes of Dick Turpin, and somehow ends up running into the man himself...

[RPF] Ben/Larry, gags

[(Anonymous)]

Ben gags Larry, this leads to fun.

Sotherby/Charles II, sex pollen

[(Anonymous)]

One of Charles' experiments (hey, the dude liked science~) goes a bit wrong and coats both him and Sothers in sex pollen. This leads to some rather hurried consummating of hidden desires, if you know what I mean~.

No non-con, please!

Re: Sotherby/Charles II, sex pollen, 1, NC-17

[(Anonymous)]

“Sire!” Sotherby called out, knocking on the door of Charles' private laboratory. He strongly suspected that Charles' orders not to be disturbed while he was doing his experiments was just so the King could have some peace and quiet, and not because he was actually doing any science.

“Not now, Sothers, I'm in the middle of a very dangerous experiment!” Charles replied.

Sotherby glared at the door. A dangerous experiment involving wine, no doubt. He opened the door. “I'm afraid it's-” He was interrupted by something wet hitting his face.

Charles, holding an empty beaker, was looking at him wide-eyed. “Sotherby, you startled me!”

“I'm terribly sorry, Sire,” Sotherby said, reigning in his annoyance as he felt the liquid drip off his face. “There wouldn't happen to be a towel here, would there?”

“Sorry, Sothers, sorry,” Charles muttered, and immediately rushed to him with a towel.

Sotherby reached out to take it, but then Charles was already patting him dry. “Er, I can – I can do that myself, Sire.”

Charles nodded swiftly. “Yes, Sothers, of course.” He handed Sotherby the towel, and stepped back.

“I apologise for interrupting you, Sire,” Sotherby said, glad to be dry. “What exactly were you doing?” He then recalled Charles' words. “You said it was dangerous...”

“No, no, it's fine! Well...” Charles looked up guiltily. “Maybe a little bit dangerous.”

Sotherby tried to fight the fear threatening overtake him. “What exactly was in that liquid, Sire?”

Charles muttered something under his breath.

“What, Sire?”

“Phrodis'cs.”

Sotherby narrowed his eyes at his King. “What, Sire?”

Charles coughed, and looked at the floor. “Aphrodisiacs.”

“Aphrodisiacs,” Sotherby said. Why in the world would the King need those? He was King. As far as Sotherby could tell, a royal title was a damn powerful aphrodisiac as it was. Add to that the fact that Charles was charming, intelligent and attractive, and it was a miracle women weren't throwing themselves shamelessly at the man.

Well, more women, anyway. And quite a few men. The King flirted as easily as he breathed, even directing some of that charm at Sotherby on occasion. Not that Sotherby responded to it, of course. He was far too professional to get flustered by the King's smiles and winks.

“Yes, aphrodisiacs” Charles said, his cheeks an obvious red. “So, it's not poisonous.”

“I should hope not,” Sotherby muttered. “What exactly were you hoping to achieve with this?”

“Nothing,” Charles told him, his eyes innocent, but his cheeks still flaming. “Nothing at all!”

Sotherby sighed, wondering how he should broach such a sensitive subject. “Sire, if you have any... problems with the ladies, there's always the court physician, or...”

“No!” Charles said immediately. “No, no, I have no problem with the ladies. None at all.”

Then why had Charles locked himself away? “So, why the aphrodisiacs, Sire?”

Charles moved forward to take the towel, and smiled up at him. “Sothers, has anyone ever told you your eyes really are the most marvellous blue?”

[RPF] Mat/Larry/Ben

[(Anonymous)]

Mat and Larry have sex, Ben watches.